I’ve wanted to write this post for
many months, but every time I felt ready to do it something new happened.
I feel like I need to explain to
you what happened in my life and why I suddenly stop blogging without giving
you an explanation. As you can see on my blog I took some weeks off between
January and March. My original idea was to take the last days of January and
first week of February off because I was travelling to Florida for my sister
wedding. I was also going with my niece and was planning to take her to Disney
World. It was her first time going to the States and I wanted to give her all
the attention she needed. I have planned to go back to blogging as soon as I
was back home. The wedding and the Disney trip happened as I planned, but
couple of days before returning home my mom started to feel ill. When we saw
that we decided (DH and I) that I should stay longer with my family until my
mom’s illness was resolved. DH returned home with our niece and I stayed in
Florida. That was the best decision I made because a week later we had to
hospitalize my mom. Things got very complicated health wise for my mom and she
ended up staying almost 3 weeks in the hospital.
When she was finally discharged, she
was discharged under my care. The first days were very difficult, she was
barely able to walk, even less take care of herself. I became her caregiver 24/7.
My sister was a great support, but she was not only newly wedded, she’s the one
always taking care of my mom. It was my turn to step up. My mom started to
recover slowly. I tried going back to blogging in March, but I didn’t have much
time to read and blogging became harder and harder. I decided not to force
myself and take the time I needed.
Finally, after three months away,
I came back home in April.
DH had a small surgery 10 days
later. It was something he had planned for February, but had to postpone because
I had to stay with my family.
Here comes a part I wasn’t sure if
to share or not with you, but I decided I should, my reasoning will be in the last
paragraph of this long post, by the way, sorry for it to be so long.
When DH had his first control
after his surgery I asked his doctor for a reference to an internal medicine
doctor. I had some swollen lymph nodes on my neck and wanted to have them check.
I was planning to do it later because they weren’t bothering me and I was tired
of doctors and hospitals; but DH was adamant and made me see the doctor we were
referred to that same day.
I have to go back in time for you
to understand better. In March last year I noticed a little ball in my groin, I
thought it was a hernia due to lifting weights. I went to a doctor to have it check;
he told me it was a swollen lymph node, most probably from an infection. After
the check up he realized I had the lymph nodes of both sides of my groin
swollen, but left side was more noticeable. He prescribed antibiotics and told
me if they didn’t go away I should come back for more tests. Wit the
antibiotics they diminished in size, but didn’t go away, so I went back and had
an ultrasound and some blood tests done. Ultrasound showed the swollen lymph (1
cm on the left side), but it didn’t look bad. Blood tests were perfect. Doctor
told me that sometimes after an infection it takes some time for the lymph
nodes to go back to normal size, that I just needed to watch them and to come
back if I saw any difference in them. Months pass, they went back to the bigger
size and I could feel couple more, but I thought it was normal because at the same
time I started to have joint aches as well. I have family history of rheumatoid
arthritis and thought the lymph nodes were a symptom that I was suffering from
RA (RA sometimes causes inflammation of lymph nodes). I thought it was
something I need to learn to live with and didn’t pay them much attention
afterwards. But this year, in January, I noticed two lymph nodes on my neck and
knew I had to have them check because it was a bit too much to have them in my
groin and now also in my neck; but that was before I travelled to Florida and with
everything that happened with my mom I forgot about them. I was only able to go
see the doctor on April 29th, which was the day DH has his surgery
control, the day that despise his post-surgery discomfort and pain he waited
with me for couple of hours until we were able to see the doctor we had been
referred by his doctor.
I asked his doctor for a referral
to a different doctor because I wasn’t too happy with the doctor I first saw. I
liked this new doctor better; I felt he checked me well. He ordered pelvic and
neck ultrasounds and lots of blood tests. I got my blood tests done that same
day and had the ultrasounds the following Monday. My blood tests came back
fine, but the ultrasounds results weren’t good. The day of the ultrasound the technician
started on my pelvis (as it was ordered) and ended up checking me up to my
chest. When she started to ask me to lift my shirt a bit more and a bit more, I
knew something was wrong. She gave me the results right away and told me to see
my doctor immediately. She had called him and he was waiting for me. When the
doctor saw my results he asked me if I could have surgery the next day, he told
me he wanted to get the biggest lymph node from my groin removed (7 cm) to send
it to pathology. I told him I couldn’t next day; DH was still recovering from
his surgery. I needed more days. Surgery was performed the following Saturday.
It went well, but doctor ended up removing 5 lymph nodes. By then, our fears
were almost confirmed; my issues weren’t the infection I was hoping to
have. A week later pathology results came
back and I got diagnosed with Follicular (Non-Hodgkin’s) Lymphoma grade 2.
After getting the biopsy results I
went to see a hematologist (lymphoma is cancer of the blood). He ordered more
blood tests and a PET-CT scan. Blood tests came back normal, but the PET-CT
scan results showed lymph nodes affected on 12 different parts of my body
(neck, underarm, breasts, stomach and groin area). The biggest one is a mass of
16 cm on my stomach. It also showed minimal involvement of bone marrow. Those
results placed me in Stage 4, not something we wanted to hear.
To tell you that it was a shock is
the understatement of the year, I felt healthy. I didn’t know when was the last
time I got a cold and now I had a paper that said I had cancer. Apart from the
swollen lymph nodes the only symptoms I had were tiredness and itching, but
those are things you justified by getting older or by having dry and sensitive
skin. Along the way I also learned lymphoma can produce joint aches.
After that our search for a second
opinion started, we wanted the best doctor possible and luckily for us (me) we
found Doctor F, the best hematologist in the country.
I was able to see Doctor F. a week
later and I really liked him. Doctor F. studied the pathology report and the PET-CT
results. He was very honest with me, told me what were the possibilities and
what I should expect from this illness. He ordered an abdominal and pelvic MRI
because he wanted to see if any organ or any part of my body was being affected
by the masses I have. He was worried about my left kidney, but luckily for me
there was no contact with any organ, vein, or anything that can create an
immediate problem.
Usually when lymphoma is not
creating any problems doctors prefer to do something called “watch and wait”,
that it’s just that, you watch and wait for the lymphoma to grow and start
affecting your life to treat it. This has the best outcome for the patient,
especially when the patient is at a stage like mine where it doesn’t have a cure.
I thought we were going to do watch and wait and was getting ready for it, but
I already had some symptoms and when you have symptoms you have to treat it. So
instead of hearing from Doctor F. the “I will see you in three months for a control”
that I was expecting to hear, he told me “can you start treatment on Monday?”
And that was it. I started treatment on June 6th, that first day I
had to stay at the hospital because I had some side effects to the medicine,
the second time was a bit better and every time afterwards was better. I had
the last round on June 27th. I’m supposed to take some weeks off for
my body to get strong again. I have another round on August 22nd and
from then on I’ll have another round every two months until February next year.
This protocol is supposed to provide me with a longer remission. At least that’s
what we are hoping for.
I’ve been lucky. I haven’t had as
many side effects as some people do. My biggest issues are fatigue and
headaches. It’s not that bad, but there are some days where I don’t have energy
to do anything. This kind of fatigue is something I have never experienced
before. I have been very tired before, but this is something else. It also
happens suddenly. I can be feeling well and 2 minutes later I don’t have energy
to get up from the sofa. Additionally, I’m very forgetful and my concentration doesn’t
exist at times. I’m back to reading, but I can’t read everyday. There are days
that I can read without a problem, others that is impossible to concentrate on
a simple paragraph. This confusion and forgetfulness have produced some upsetting
moments, like when I forget DH’s best friend’s name and I just couldn’t
remember it or when I was driving close to my house and got so confused I got
scared and stop driving for days. But it also have produced hilarious moments,
like when I got in DH’s car laughing and he asked me what I was laughing about
and I told him something very funny, but I couldn’t remember what was it and I
also couldn’t stop laughing because I knew it was something very funny. Or when
I tried to turn off the light of the corridor (inside the house) with our
doorbell and DH came to the door looking to see who had arrived and I’m there,
with the main door open, standing on the threshold laughing because of what I
just did.
I want to go back to blogging. I
miss it, but at the same time I know I won’t be able to blog as much as I was
doing it before all this happened. I just need to come to terms that it’s okay
to blog every other day, or even every other week. I know I just need to start doing
it again and try not to feel bad when I just feel like doing nothing when I
could be writing reviews or doing something for the blog.
And now as to why I decided to
share the news of my lymphoma with you and that is to tell you to listen to
your bodies, when you feel that something is wrong, most probably it is. Check
your body constantly; like that you will be able to catch anything early. Also,
go to your doctor for yearly check ups and if you find something that you think
is not right, talk to your doctor about it and if the doctor doesn’t pay
attention to you, look for another doctor. I know with age our bodies change
and we tend to justify changes in our bodies as I did with my symptoms. I just
want you to be more conscious of your body and when you see/feel anything
different don’t wait to have it check.
Aww hun, what crapload of stuff to deal with. Just relax and don't worry about the little things. If there's anything you need just nudge me. Love and hugs Nancy xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you darling. xo
Delete{{hugs}} I can't even imagine what you're going through.. It has to be tough. I have an autoimmune condition, so I understand the fatigue, though I'm sure mine is not as bad as what you are experiencing. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. I'm really glad that DH pushed you to go see the doctor. Keep your thoughts positive and know that I'm thinking of you and have been for a while. If you want to blog, then do it. If you don't, that's okay too. I will be by when you're able. {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteMelanie @ Hot Listens & Rabid Reads
I didn't know about your condition. I'm really sorry about it, I'm sending you many hugs.
DeleteI'm taking one day at a time, fatigue is better these days, but sometimes it just come out of nowhere.
Thank you for thinking about me.
There's nothing I can possibly say - just offering virtual hugs and support.
ReplyDeleteThank you! You can't imagine how much I appreciate those virtual hugs. ;)
DeleteThere's nothing I can possibly say - just offering virtual hugs and support.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Texas (lots of them)
ReplyDeleteThanks!! :)
DeleteYou will always kick ass, and you do :)
ReplyDeleteJajaja sure! :)
DeleteSending so much love to you. You know I've missed you and you've been so good about telling me about your mom and DH. I can't imagine how scary this must have been, and still be, for you. I'm glad you are kicking ass and taking names. You are a rock star. Health and Family are number one. You'll get back to blogging and such in no time. *HUGS* Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jen. It hasn't been easy, but I'm taking one day at a time. Trying to stay positive and not thinking much about it at the same time.
DeleteI'm lucky, my family is great and my friends have been awesome. These difficult times really show you who is who, and I'm grateful for it.
I'm sending you many hugs too.
primis....Is a hard testfor you...and all of us that love u....I feel horribly for.not knowing how bad this was....and all I can say is I am here if uneed me....just let me know i will be there
ReplyDeletelove u and iknow u will win this battle...my prayers..mylight and energy on your way.....
Gracias primis.
DeleteOh my god, I've only just seen this!
ReplyDeleteMy lovely I'm so glad you're doing better but I'm so sorry this happened to you!
I'm glad you didn't stick with that one doctor and saw more.
I wish you a safe and healthy recovery and am always here if you need an ear.
I know you're super strong and can do this even if some days you really don't feel like you can.
You are stronger than you think!
😘💕🐰💗💐
Ally
Thank you Ally. 😘
DeleteI'm crying for several reasons: because I didn't know, because I've been so horrible about keeping in touch, and because I'm so honored and proud of your strength and the fact that I can call you a friend. I ADORE you, Marcela. Please, if there's ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.
ReplyDeleteYour words are more than enough. Thank you Cecy. 😘
DeletePlease know I'm thinking about you and praying for you. Let me know if you need anything. 💜🙏🏼❤️
Delete